Category Archives: Julie

Home, house, home, house….

Wow!  Is it May already?!  You know the saying about time flying and all, so I won’t bother with that cliche, but man!  Where does it go?

This post is not what most of you (the 3 of you) who read this blog really want, but it’s been on my mind so I thought I would throw this out there.  I promise to have a post with lots of pictures of my three cuties toot sweet!

I receive quotes from the church web site in my email and this really stood out to me and has got me thinking:

“An essential quality of the first pioneers was optimism, an ability to see new possibilities in a strange and unsettling environment. To beautify the desert, they needed faith in God, but they also needed faith in themselves and in their ability to help shape the world. The need for that faith has not diminished. . . .” ‘A pioneer is not [necessarily] a woman who makes her own soap’ or a man who grubs sagebrush from the land. Pioneers are those who take up their burdens and walk toward the future. With vision and with courage they make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers.”  David B. Haight

Faith in ourselves….Make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers.  Hmmmm, this does not describe me these past few months since we moved into this new house.  I’ve been faking it…badly.

I don’t like this house. 

I didn’t want to move.  

I am putting no effort into making this house a home for all of us.  It’s starting to show in everyone’s attitudes and I know it begins with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not a good housekeeper even in the best of circumstances, but now!  I’m barely keeping everyone safe and healthy in the mess we’re in.  It dawned on me last night that I’m marking time here.  We signed a two year lease and I’m just counting down;  much like a child rips those paper chains at Christmas…one month down, two, three, etc.  Just marking time.  What a waste, what a bad example to my children.

“Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” (D&C 88:119.)

No where in that scripture does it say, “But, you only have to do this if you like the house you are living in and are happy about your circumstances.”  I’m refusing to put this house in order because I’m mad that I’m here.  I’m refusing to make the “dessert blossom” because I’m sad that I’m here.  Again, what a waste.  My children are growing and learning and becoming in this house just as much as they were in the old house, but I’m not enjoying it as much because I’m too wrapped up in my own issues. 

I’ve gotten a ton of help from my friends in this move and and I see the “rightness” of the move and I have been given tons of positive reinforcement and kudos for doing such a “hard thing”, but the truth is…how hard was this really???  If I look at what has happened, it stinks and sure I would be happy to have my old house back, but it’s not the end of the world by any stretch.  The kids stayed in the same schools, we have room for everyone, we have a trampoline in the backyard and live next to a really neat walking path and creek.   I’m being stubborn and just refusing to put effort into this house.  What I’m coming to realize though (and what these quotes and scriptures have opened my mind to) is that I’m not putting the effort into the house, I’m putting the effort into a home for my family.  I’m putting the effort out for them, not the house. 

So, I post these pictures as a before so that when I get my HOME in order I can post the after and we can all be duely impressed with me! 😉  Let me add though, I by no means feel that a “neat and tidy” house makes a home (if it did I would be in BIG trouble), but I need to have the attitude of this as our home.  I need to hang pictures and make memories here.  I need to appreciate this house and what it means for our family.  Know what I mean?

As for me…from now on I am going to “take up” my burdens and “walk toward the future.”

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Filed under domestic goddess, issues, Julie, parenting

Sleeping like a baby

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All I can say is that I have wanted for my entire life to look like this when I sleep.  ALL MY LIFE.  Instead, I, the mother of this child, look like a drooling, squished faced, crazy haired zombie.  Without even wanting too or trying she looks like this:

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It’s not even fair.

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Filed under babies, dream life, Emma, issues, Julie

Flash Back Friday

Has a ring doesn’t it?  I’m gonna try and start a tradition here and I admit it would help if some of you other bloggers out there would join in too.  If you want to start a groovy Flash Back Friday  tradition too, then just leave a comment with your blog link and we can all share in the humiliation joy of looking back through photographs.  Flash back with me won’t you??

I’m sure you can all guess by the joy of my expression when this picture is taken.  I mean, the pure joy teenagers’ facial expressions can be must just scream out to you what day this is!  Ok, so the tree gave it away, but I’m sure my abject JOY could be felt through the Internet.  Now to fully appreciate the look on my face, you must be told something about my family.  I am sitting there on Christmas morning in front of no less than 50 presents.  I’m not exaggerating.  In fact, I may be selling the amount short.  My sister and I were the object of my Mother’s Christmas insanity.  At the time…let me tell ya…I quite enjoyed my Mom’s mental illness during the holidays.  But, my Mom made me SWEAR not to repeat the sickness with my own children and I can appreciate that now.  My kids still have it pretty good (no matter what they may say), but I have ended the insanity.  I still feel the tug though…just one more….oh, they would LOVE that…what’s one more game?????  But, I still can feel the underlying stress in the house from my Mom knowing she spent WAY too much and the underlying guilt my Sis and I felt when we were surrounded by all the stuff.  My Mom and Dad loved us so much, but she has come to realize that she got caught up and wants us to avoid that with our own children.  Gotta love it when your 37 3/4 and still learning from your Ma…:)

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Filed under Christmas, family, Julie, motherhood, sisters

Symbolic

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Filed under issues, Julie

Eyrrrr…that’s what a pirate says, right??

Need I say more?  I think not.

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Filed under Julie, past

Guess what decade???

My sister and I back in the day.  It looks like my b-day or something and we are posing in front of the dining room table with my loot behind.  Sorry for the quality, this is a Polaroid and I found it in a bin of my Aunt’s stuff in the garage.  Yes, after almost a year and a half, I am finally going through the stuff I inherited from my Aunt’s house last Summer.  That is a whole other post….

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Filed under birthdays, family, Julie, Kerri, past, sisters

Easily influenced.

I am very easily influenced.  Seriously.  Not that I don’t have strong opinions about things, but in a day to day world, I can start to see another side of an argument in like two seconds. 

The last two days the older kiddos have been sick.  Really sick.  With the sickness I hate the most….stomach sickness.  I hate throwing up.  I hate it to the point that I would rather lay in pain and nausea than get up and let loose….even if I would feel better.  I hate it. 

So, that being said, I’m feeling weird today.  My stomach is kinda gushy and I’m wondering…really sick or easily influenced?????

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Filed under issues, Julie, sickness