Wow! Is it May already?! You know the saying about time flying and all, so I won’t bother with that cliche, but man! Where does it go?
This post is not what most of you (the 3 of you) who read this blog really want, but it’s been on my mind so I thought I would throw this out there. I promise to have a post with lots of pictures of my three cuties toot sweet!
I receive quotes from the church web site in my email and this really stood out to me and has got me thinking:
“An essential quality of the first pioneers was optimism, an ability to see new possibilities in a strange and unsettling environment. To beautify the desert, they needed faith in God, but they also needed faith in themselves and in their ability to help shape the world. The need for that faith has not diminished. . . .” ‘A pioneer is not [necessarily] a woman who makes her own soap’ or a man who grubs sagebrush from the land. Pioneers are those who take up their burdens and walk toward the future. With vision and with courage they make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers.” David B. Haight
Faith in ourselves….Make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers. Hmmmm, this does not describe me these past few months since we moved into this new house. I’ve been faking it…badly.
I don’t like this house.
I didn’t want to move.
I am putting no effort into making this house a home for all of us. It’s starting to show in everyone’s attitudes and I know it begins with me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a good housekeeper even in the best of circumstances, but now! I’m barely keeping everyone safe and healthy in the mess we’re in. It dawned on me last night that I’m marking time here. We signed a two year lease and I’m just counting down; much like a child rips those paper chains at Christmas…one month down, two, three, etc. Just marking time. What a waste, what a bad example to my children.
“Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” (D&C 88:119.)
No where in that scripture does it say, “But, you only have to do this if you like the house you are living in and are happy about your circumstances.” I’m refusing to put this house in order because I’m mad that I’m here. I’m refusing to make the “dessert blossom” because I’m sad that I’m here. Again, what a waste. My children are growing and learning and becoming in this house just as much as they were in the old house, but I’m not enjoying it as much because I’m too wrapped up in my own issues.
I’ve gotten a ton of help from my friends in this move and and I see the “rightness” of the move and I have been given tons of positive reinforcement and kudos for doing such a “hard thing”, but the truth is…how hard was this really??? If I look at what has happened, it stinks and sure I would be happy to have my old house back, but it’s not the end of the world by any stretch. The kids stayed in the same schools, we have room for everyone, we have a trampoline in the backyard and live next to a really neat walking path and creek. I’m being stubborn and just refusing to put effort into this house. What I’m coming to realize though (and what these quotes and scriptures have opened my mind to) is that I’m not putting the effort into the house, I’m putting the effort into a home for my family. I’m putting the effort out for them, not the house.
So, I post these pictures as a before so that when I get my HOME in order I can post the after and we can all be duely impressed with me! 😉 Let me add though, I by no means feel that a “neat and tidy” house makes a home (if it did I would be in BIG trouble), but I need to have the attitude of this as our home. I need to hang pictures and make memories here. I need to appreciate this house and what it means for our family. Know what I mean?
As for me…from now on I am going to “take up” my burdens and “walk toward the future.”