I wanted to create a spot for Amber, our niece who was killed this last Summer. Amber lived in Arizona, but was a big part of our lives even though we lived far away. Our children loved and still love Amber and she loved them. She was especially attached to Gracie and when we would visit AZ Gracie would ask to see Amber right away. It’s hard to write about her and everything that has happened since June 22, but I really wanted a place for her here. Amber is now completely woven into our lives. Not a day goes by and some days…not 10 minutes goes by…. that we don’t think about her and ache for her. Our family will never be the same. There is a heaviness now that wasn’t there before; a feeling that something isn’t right and you want to fix it, but you can’t. I imagine that most people who lose a loved one unexpectedly feel this way, but in Amber’s case it’s not over. There will be a trial and more media coverage. I don’t think I’m going to cover all of that as it happens here. I just want to post our memories and pictures and focus on what the world was like when she was here. People always say that when a person dies they are not really gone, they live in you….in your memories. I havenever felt that to be more true than now with Amber. She is everywhere. I hope you enjoy this page as I add to it and fill you in on my perspective of this girl who I loved and worried about, laughed with and got mad at, cry and smile about.
We took a trip out to California and Arizona for the Christmas break and one of the goals of the trip was to visit Amber’s grave site. I was a little nervous at how the kids would do, but they were great. Connor took little stones and made a happy face on Amber’s stone and Gracie kept “finding” flowers and putting them on Amber’s stone. Emma was too distracted by the balloons at other grave sites to notice. 🙂 It’s a lovely place and it was much harder for Chris and I than I thought it would be, but I’m so glad we went. I think it finally made it more real somehow.
May 17, 2008
We are getting closer to the year anniversary of Amber’s murder and I know it’s on all our family’s minds. Mike and Candy are coming for a visit this summer shortly after the anniversary and I’m so glad, but I’m not sure how to recognize this time in our lives….It’s very unreal to think that it has been a year. I still look at Amber’s picture and have to remind myself that there won’t be any new pictures. She’s 17 forever. How do you comfort a Mother and Father who lost their only child? When they come for the visit do we all just have fun or do we talk about everything? I have a feeling there will be many late night, adult conversations about last Summer and I’m really looking forward to it. It’s been hard to feel like we are helping Mike and Candy from so far away. Having them here will feel like Amber’s here too…that will be nice.
October 12, 2008
I just finished talking with my MIL Mary and there was a hearing this last Monday. It looks like the trial will be May 5, 2009. The victims’ advocate was preparing Mike and Candy for the possibility of a plea deal for one of the boys if they will testify against the other at trial. I have a feeling they will try and “flip” Nick because they believe that Todd planned the attack for weeks before and also delivered the fatal blow. Ugh. Can this really be happening? My instinct is to go to the trial and be a physical presence to support Mike and Candy and to represent what this murder has done to our family. But, man. A trial is gonna suck. It feels like a huge wave is building out at sea…growing bigger and bigger, just waiting to crash on the shore. We are all standing on the shore…
Thank goodness for prayer and the gospel. I couldn’t have found it at a better time in my life…literally.