Home, house, home, house….

Wow!  Is it May already?!  You know the saying about time flying and all, so I won’t bother with that cliche, but man!  Where does it go?

This post is not what most of you (the 3 of you) who read this blog really want, but it’s been on my mind so I thought I would throw this out there.  I promise to have a post with lots of pictures of my three cuties toot sweet!

I receive quotes from the church web site in my email and this really stood out to me and has got me thinking:

“An essential quality of the first pioneers was optimism, an ability to see new possibilities in a strange and unsettling environment. To beautify the desert, they needed faith in God, but they also needed faith in themselves and in their ability to help shape the world. The need for that faith has not diminished. . . .” ‘A pioneer is not [necessarily] a woman who makes her own soap’ or a man who grubs sagebrush from the land. Pioneers are those who take up their burdens and walk toward the future. With vision and with courage they make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers.”  David B. Haight

Faith in ourselves….Make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers.  Hmmmm, this does not describe me these past few months since we moved into this new house.  I’ve been faking it…badly.

I don’t like this house. 

I didn’t want to move.  

I am putting no effort into making this house a home for all of us.  It’s starting to show in everyone’s attitudes and I know it begins with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not a good housekeeper even in the best of circumstances, but now!  I’m barely keeping everyone safe and healthy in the mess we’re in.  It dawned on me last night that I’m marking time here.  We signed a two year lease and I’m just counting down;  much like a child rips those paper chains at Christmas…one month down, two, three, etc.  Just marking time.  What a waste, what a bad example to my children.

“Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” (D&C 88:119.)

No where in that scripture does it say, “But, you only have to do this if you like the house you are living in and are happy about your circumstances.”  I’m refusing to put this house in order because I’m mad that I’m here.  I’m refusing to make the “dessert blossom” because I’m sad that I’m here.  Again, what a waste.  My children are growing and learning and becoming in this house just as much as they were in the old house, but I’m not enjoying it as much because I’m too wrapped up in my own issues. 

I’ve gotten a ton of help from my friends in this move and and I see the “rightness” of the move and I have been given tons of positive reinforcement and kudos for doing such a “hard thing”, but the truth is…how hard was this really???  If I look at what has happened, it stinks and sure I would be happy to have my old house back, but it’s not the end of the world by any stretch.  The kids stayed in the same schools, we have room for everyone, we have a trampoline in the backyard and live next to a really neat walking path and creek.   I’m being stubborn and just refusing to put effort into this house.  What I’m coming to realize though (and what these quotes and scriptures have opened my mind to) is that I’m not putting the effort into the house, I’m putting the effort into a home for my family.  I’m putting the effort out for them, not the house. 

So, I post these pictures as a before so that when I get my HOME in order I can post the after and we can all be duely impressed with me! 😉  Let me add though, I by no means feel that a “neat and tidy” house makes a home (if it did I would be in BIG trouble), but I need to have the attitude of this as our home.  I need to hang pictures and make memories here.  I need to appreciate this house and what it means for our family.  Know what I mean?

As for me…from now on I am going to “take up” my burdens and “walk toward the future.”

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5 Comments

Filed under domestic goddess, issues, Julie, parenting

5 responses to “Home, house, home, house….

  1. Julie, What a great message…I’m totally rooting
    for you. I have struggled with this same thing
    with the frequent moves we’ve made. Each time I get a little better at jumping in and blooming where we got planted. You can do it!!!
    I miss your funny personality! Can I come over and walk on your new walking path with you ? 🙂

  2. Debbie

    I love your honesty! I have had similar feelings over the years in this home and always felt like “we might be moving soon” and didn’t want to invest in it. I love that you posted your “before pics.” It just takes time, doesn’t it?

  3. Juliana

    Oh Julie! I miss you. I think this entry is so profound. I loved reading it. I think it applies to SO MANY aspects of our lives… How often are we “waiting” or “enduring” the hard parts of our lives, rather than learning and enjoying what we have been given. You said it so well. It gave me new perspective and helped me to enjoy more the stage of life that I am in. Thank you!!!!

  4. Julie Egan

    Baby steps, Jules… baby steps. I’ve really been trying to get my house (i.e. life) in order and find that if I can even do a few minutes of getting something organized it’s better than nothing. If I look at the big picture it’s too overwhelming sometimes… break it down. One room, one shelf, one spot at a time.

  5. Tamara

    Wow…an update, I need to check more often 🙂

    I agree with the other ladies that this was a really great message for ALL of us to apply to our lives. So often we don’t enjoy the moment because we are sure we’ll be happier when X has occurred. As corny as it sounds, it reminds me of the Miley Cyrus song, “The Climb” we have to learn to enjoy the PROCESS, not the DESTINATION.

    My mom was a great example of blooming where she was planted. Throughout the 30+ years married to a career military husband, she would have everything put away, photos hung, curtains sewn, and walls painted in record time each time they moved to a new base. I remember when we moved to Germany the 2nd time, we were assigned a small apartment. My mom had to make it work with 7 kids, and somehow she made us all feel “at home.” Anyhow, she is just my personal example.

    We all love and miss you and can’t wait to follow your journey!

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