Next year Connor will be in tackle football.  Pads, helmet…the whole works.  Connor has been playing football for the past 4 years now with Chris being a coach for most of that time.  I have to admit, I was worried about Connor playing football in Texas.  Football in Texas is NO JOKE and I was picturing a horror of a coach.  You know, yelling, cussin, spittin, totally competitive…way over the top.  But, we were soooo lucky to land in Coach King’s hands.  This guy is an amazing coach.  I knew it was going to be a great experience when Chris respected and really liked the guy (Chris has HIGH coaching standards). 

So, the last game was on Saturday and the girls and I actually arrived on time and I got a chance to take a lot of pictures.

The boys have so much fun playing and Chris just loves to coach.

Even though they have a lot of fun playing…this game is also serious business to these boys.

Plus, you have to keep in mind all the pretty girls that may be watching you…

In the end, it was all about the time we all shared together.  Fathers and sons, every Friday and Saturday spending time together.  You just don’t get that opportunity very often.

I’m sad that it’s over, mostly because I didn’t appreciate this time very much.  I was often overwhelmed by life and just saw football as “one more thing” that had to be “fit in” to an over-stuffed schedule.  You know what has dawned on me??  I will never be here again.  I will never be a mother to my children at this stage again and it goes fast…just like we all say.  I need to relax, keep my mouth shut, be patient and enjoy this time.  Because, really, what else do I have to do?  And when again am I going to be allowed to witness boys being this happy to just be together and have fun? 

Yep, it’s just a little smiley face alright…

drawn on our bed in marker…Emmmmmmaaaaaa!

Sorry Mama…it’s just a widdle smiley face.  

Good gravy.  I’m doomed….

This post is not what most of you (the 3 of you) who read this blog really want, but it’s been on my mind so I thought I would throw this out there.  I promise to have a post with lots of pictures of my three cuties toot sweet!

I receive quotes from the church web site in my email and this really stood out to me and has got me thinking:

“An essential quality of the first pioneers was optimism, an ability to see new possibilities in a strange and unsettling environment. To beautify the desert, they needed faith in God, but they also needed faith in themselves and in their ability to help shape the world. The need for that faith has not diminished. . . .” ‘A pioneer is not [necessarily] a woman who makes her own soap’ or a man who grubs sagebrush from the land. Pioneers are those who take up their burdens and walk toward the future. With vision and with courage they make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers.”  David B. Haight

Faith in ourselves….Make the desert blossom and they press on toward new frontiers.  Hmmmm, this does not describe me these past few months since we moved into this new house.  I’ve been faking it…badly.

I don’t like this house. 

I didn’t want to move.  

I am putting no effort into making this house a home for all of us.  It’s starting to show in everyone’s attitudes and I know it begins with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not a good housekeeper even in the best of circumstances, but now!  I’m barely keeping everyone safe and healthy in the mess we’re in.  It dawned on me last night that I’m marking time here.  We signed a two year lease and I’m just counting down;  much like a child rips those paper chains at Christmas…one month down, two, three, etc.  Just marking time.  What a waste, what a bad example to my children.

“Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” (D&C 88:119.)

No where in that scripture does it say, “But, you only have to do this if you like the house you are living in and are happy about your circumstances.”  I’m refusing to put this house in order because I’m mad that I’m here.  I’m refusing to make the “dessert blossom” because I’m sad that I’m here.  Again, what a waste.  My children are growing and learning and becoming in this house just as much as they were in the old house, but I’m not enjoying it as much because I’m too wrapped up in my own issues. 

I’ve gotten a ton of help from my friends in this move and and I see the “rightness” of the move and I have been given tons of positive reinforcement and kudos for doing such a “hard thing”, but the truth is…how hard was this really???  If I look at what has happened, it stinks and sure I would be happy to have my old house back, but it’s not the end of the world by any stretch.  The kids stayed in the same schools, we have room for everyone, we have a trampoline in the backyard and live next to a really neat walking path and creek.   I’m being stubborn and just refusing to put effort into this house.  What I’m coming to realize though (and what these quotes and scriptures have opened my mind to) is that I’m not putting the effort into the house, I’m putting the effort into a home for my family.  I’m putting the effort out for them, not the house. 

So, I post these pictures as a before so that when I get my HOME in order I can post the after and we can all be duely impressed with me!   Let me add though, I by no means feel that a “neat and tidy” house makes a home (if it did I would be in BIG trouble), but I need to have the attitude of this as our home.  I need to hang pictures and make memories here.  I need to appreciate this house and what it means for our family.  Know what I mean?

As for me…from now on I am going to “take up” my burdens and “walk toward the future.”

Here is the resulting injury:

My poor baby:

I’m tired today….

I thought that doing all of that would some how slow down time.  Would allow me to have my baby just a bit longer.  I was wrong.

Emma is my baby.  Mine.  When God told me to have Emma…well, yell is more like it…I already had the “perfect” family.  A boy and a girl.  One of each.  I would be a rich woman if I had a dollar for everytime someone (mostly strangers) said, “Oh, how lovely!  A boy and a girl!  Now you can be done!”  I didn’t feel done, but who was I to argue with “perfection?”

Then there was the night.  The night when God yelled at me that I was waiting too long.  That there was a little girl just waiting to come to our family and we were taking to long.  Her name was Emma and she was getting impatient.  I cried on my bed that night to Chris.  Told him what I knew; what God had told me.  I had never had an experience like that before and I haven’t since.  But, when God yells, I listen.

Emma has been a joyous addition to our family.  She is cute, fun, kind and stubborn.  She expects the world to revolve around her because usually it does.  She has changed so much since she was born with such chubby cheeks that she could barely open her eyes.  She is loved and she loves back.

Happy Birthday Emma!  We love you!

Emma Marie Hess  9lbs 6 oz 20 inches

Three days after she is born

Emma turns 1, we call it the orange year.

Emma with her cousin.  He was born one day before her…a year apart.  Oh, just to update a previous post, Emma’s birthday is tomorrow…NOT Tuesday.  I give a word of thanks to my little sister for  teasing torturing pointing that mistake out to me.  And just on a side note, she worships admires stalks is so in tune with me that not only did she steal have her first born almost on Emma’s birthday, but she is expecting again and will give birth right around Gracie or Connor’s birthdays!  Love ya Sis!

Emma two.

Emma today with her two favorite people in the whole world!

Today has been a weird kind of day.  Both wonderful and slightly disorientating. 

Connor stayed home from school because…well, because.  In return for this consideration he had to help me whenever I wanted and I made him a long overdue Dr.’s appointment (with shots).  I also made a well check appointment for Emma also because she is going to be THREE next Tuesday…goodness, my baby…

During all this planning and working and such, I spoke to Chris about these plans and reminded him of Article 2 in the Parental Addendum of our Marriage Agreement.  What is Article 2 you ask??  What is the Marriage Agreement you ask??  Well, it is the agreed way of handling certain situations we have arrived at over the last 15 years of marriage.  Here is what Article 2 states:  “In the case where the afore mentioned child(ren) require a medical appointment where injections of any kind will be taking place, the Father (Christopher David Hess) will transport and accompany said child(ren) to the appointment without the Mother (Julie Diane Hess) needing to be present. ”  Thus, Chris took the two children to the doctor’s today.  Connor got two shots and Emma one.

Then the good part!  After the appointment we all met at Olive Garden for lunch!  WooHoo!  It was to cheer up the kids, of course!  Ahem, anyways we ate lunch courtesy of Fidelity due to the award Chris won recently.  So, what is better than Olive Garden for lunch?  FREE Olive Garden for lunch!

After lunch…work, work, dinner, work.  Chris left to deliver a piece of equipment for me due to our new family business (more on that later) and while he was gone I started to wrangle the girls to bed.  They were in the tub making a HUGH mess  washing when I saw some figures moving on the other side of the front door. 

Now let me give you a little background here;  We have had someone leave stuff on our front porch lately.  Sometimes it is nice (ice cream cake) and sometimes it’s not (burrito…alone…no plate).  So, when I saw something going on by the front door, I thought is was our prankster and I took my chance to find out who it was.  Well, it wasn’t our prankster…it was AWESOME!  I’m guessing it was some young women from our church because they ran screaming to a waiting Suburban when I opened the door, but the surprise was amazing!  Our house had hearts taped all over it, Chris’s car too.  And on the front porch was a plate, oh WHAT A PLATE, of goodies.  It made my night.  You couldn’t help but smile at the surprise and thoughtfulness of it all.  Really lovely.  But, here is where the parental fail comes in.  While I’m basking in the glow of M&M’s, cookies, etc.  I”m reminded of the young women at church and that thought leads to the thought of, “how sweet of them all to gather like that.”  Which leads to this thought, “OH CR*P!  BOYSCOUTS!”  I totally forgot about Connor’s Scout meeting at church tonight!  Ugh! FAIL!

So, there you have it.  A day with more good than crazy and really…can you ask for more than that?

This is not good.  This is not good for anyone…

All I can say is that I have wanted for my entire life to look like this when I sleep.  ALL MY LIFE.  Instead, I, the mother of this child, look like a drooling, squished faced, crazy haired zombie.  Without even wanting too or trying she looks like this:

It’s not even fair.